Friday, February 12, 2010
She's better than a 20 Charisma wood-elf princess with a +5 mithril bow
Most gamers have been involved in some type of gaming for many years. We all started somehow in this hobby of ours. It might have been the bookcase Avalon Hill board games – allow a moment of silence to remember a company that produced many classic board games. Maybe you got you got into miniature wargamming with the advent of the Chainmail rules. A great majority of us started with the D&D Blue Book or boxed set containing the funky, oddly shaped and entirely inaccurate dice. Or, you started with the first fledgling video games – Atari console, anyone?
In our youths, we spent hours upon hours with our friends playing these games. Our imaginations ran wild in the roleplaying genre, especially when hormones are involved.
For the roleplayers, how many of your characters ended up winning the hand of the fair princess in a tournament, or rescuing her from the claws of a fierce red dragon? So what if she’s a Halfling princess and your character is a half-orc. She’s rich!
How about the mighty Paladin defeating the Evil Baron with the help of his stunning daughter with the exotic eyes? Did I mention the Baroness is a 20th level mage and likes to wear tight-fitting robes when casting 10-dice fireballs down the hall? Oh yeah, she’s a keeper!
Let’s not forget your Ranger/Thief who just happens to catch the eye of the Sylvan Elf Princess. Who knew auburn hair, green eyes and fair skin could be such a devastating combination in the looks department. Yes, she can summon the creatures of the forest to do her bidding – usually to comb her hair, knit her dress and sing to her while she readies herself for a date.
Finally, did your Samurai really travel the land alone like a tragic Ronin? Or did he barge into the Shogun’s Castle, battle ninjas and eat Panda Express food with the Shogun’s daughter? You bet he did! Heck yes, she’s a Black Belt in every known martial art and then some! How can such small feet send a ninja hurtling over the castle walls and still look good in a silk kimono? Domo arigato, sweetheart!
We’re grown up now (hopefully). We’re also lucky in that we have found the woman of our dreams. No, they don’t fight ninjas (she does keep a wary eye on the kids), command the wildlife (except for the pets), cast fireballs (unless she’s not a very good cook), or filthy rich (well, there’s always the state lottery).
They are just there for us. They ask us how our day went, when they know by the look on our face it wasn’t a good one. They make sure we have a meal. They are our fashion consultants, which boils down to throwing away that convention T-shirt we've kept the last ten years. They laugh at our stupid jokes - or not. We can enter a room filled with guests with a 5-day beard, uncombed hair, bags under our eyes, stained sleeping shirt, unmatched pajama bottoms, and moth-eaten slippers and yet she’ll still point at us and proclaim to the crowd: “That’s my man!” (afterward she’ll kick our asses for embarrassing her in front of so many people. At least she has the sense to wait until the guests have departed).
They tolerate our hobby.
“How many more tanks do you need?” she asks.
“Um, well, uh. You see, honey, a new campaign book came out and there is this really neat Russian tank, and um, well, after I have the tank I won’t need anymore for awhile.”
“You said that last month.”
You get the picture.
On Sunday, let’s not forget our significant others. Sunday is her day. Put the dice down. Put the tanks down. Put away the game controllers. Turn off the computer. Take her to dinner or cook up your special recipe. Go to a movie or rent one and snuggle up on the couch. Most importantly, say those three magic words.
She really is hotter than a 20 Charisma half-elf.
Happy Valentine’s Day!